


New Beginnings

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Little bit of angst, M/M, Sexual Content, Slavery, references to past non-con situations and abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 07:11:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1091068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by <a href="http://pappcave.tumblr.com/post/61692163470/cas-is-scared-because-someone-just-bought-him-and-he">this ask</a>: Cas is scared because someone just bought him and he had really bad masters in the past so he expects this one to hurt him too. They're silent in the car, Cas staring at his feet with tears in his eyes, not noticing Dean's worried looks. At home Dean gives Cas one of his comfy big hoodies to wear and they cuddle on couch, Dean telling Cas that he doesn't have to worry, they'll take it slow and that he will never hurt Cas. Cas falls asleep later feeling safe in Dean's arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cas POV

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god this fic. When I decided to write it I thought it would be a nice little one shot, maybe 1500 words or so. Then I couldn't stop writing and suddenly I had over 10,000 words and as if that wasn't bad enough I started a second part with the story from Dean's POV which made the whole thing almost double in size. I might have gotten a little bit carried away... Also if the quality of the fic decreases towards the end it's because I got fed up and wanted it to be over ~~because it should have ended a few thousand words ago dammit~~
> 
> The second chapter is the **exact same** story told from Dean's POV. I felt like writing both and it was interesting to do but I probably won't do it again (too much work lol).
> 
> Re. the underage warning: There are references to past underage situations but there is no age given for Cas in the present time though I guess it can very easily be read as underage. Proceed with caution.

To say that Castiel’s family was poor would be an understatement. There were too many kids and not enough money to feed them, so no one had been particularly happy to hear that yet another child was on its way. Castiel has always known that he had been an accident; sure, his parents and siblings still made sure that he was fed and could live but it wasn’t a secret that no one actually wanted him in the family.

So really, it didn’t come as a surprise when on his 10th birthday five men came to take Castiel away; selling just one of their kids to the slave market could bring his parents enough money to feed the whole family for at least three years. When the men led him from the front door of the small house his family lived in to the black van parked on the street Castiel did not look back.

The cell isn’t the smallest place he’s ever been locked in but it is tiny nonetheless. Not to mention dark and thanks to the fact that it is still early spring also rather cold. Life in a shelter is nothing new for Castiel, he’s spent quite a lot of time in them over the past years. After he’d been taken from his family he was brought to one of the most exclusive shelters where the slaves were treated well (by slave standards that is) and only the richest people could even think of buying one.

Castiel had been new, young, innocent, and was sold after only two days to a woman called Meg Masters who luckily had enough common sense to realize that he was still too young to be of much use to her in the bedroom but had other methods of having fun with the boy. Castiel supposes he should have been grateful that she never really hurt him but he hated being used as a dress-up doll, put in skirts, dresses or thigh-highs and paraded around the house before having to do his chores.

In the end that had been the only good thing to come out of this particular ‘relationship’, Castiel had become a great cook and there’s almost nothing around the house that he doesn’t know how to do. It had taken a little over three years for Meg to get bored of her toy and so Castiel had eventually found himself in another shelter, this one less comfortable than the first since it was lower class, he wasn’t a new slave anymore, he was used and from then on things could only get worse.

Over the next years Castiel had a lot of different masters and yet they all had one thing in common: they loved seeing him suffer. He was raped countless times (though he was told just as often that it wasn’t rape; he was a slave, he simply didn’t have the right to say no), was whipped and beaten to the point where he had large scars all over his back as well as the front and back of his thighs, he usually slept in a cage that was way too small for him and had to wear collars that almost completely cut off his air supply.

Castiel also became very skinny, feeding their slaves wasn’t something his masters had taken seriously, sometimes they forgot, sometimes it was a punishment and sometimes they just didn’t want to give him food. He never stayed with one master for too long and eventually ended up back at a shelter, Castiel suspected that breaking the same toy over and over again just stopped being entertaining after a while and so his masters got rid of him.

A few weeks ago he was left in this shelter by his latest master, some British guy named Crowley. The man hadn’t even been half bad, he had never actually used him sexually or actively hurt him but he had enjoyed watching Castiel crawl around or letting him sit in one place for hours on end just so he could stare at him. He even had someone cover up the scars on Castiel’s body, all “to make you look presentable, boy”.

All of that hadn’t mattered in the end though, Castiel is back at a shelter again, a dirty hole owned by a guy named Alistair and it’s the worst one Castiel has been to so far. That’s not surprising though, he may still be young and good looking but Castiel is also scarred, used and broken, there was no point in bringing him to a place where the upper class went shopping, no one there would want him.

Now he is one of the cheapest slaves out there but even so Castiel doesn’t have much hope that anyone will still want to buy him. He’s too weak to do any actual work, no one wants a fuck toy or pet that so many people had their hands on before and doing household chores was usually something younger slaves did until they were old enough to please their masters in the bedroom.

Castiel has been alone with this thought for the past few weeks he spent here, and he is worried. He’s never cried a lot but lately he found his cheeks wet with tears more often than he wants to admit. It’s too much; Castiel has always tried to be strong but everyone had a breaking point and it seems that he reached his. What will happen if no one wants him? Technically it isn’t allowed to kill slaves but at this point he really is at the bottom of the food chain so no one would probably care all that much. And considering how bad life with a cruel master or here at a dirty shelter was…would dying really be so much worse? He doesn’t want to die but he doesn’t want another cruel master either, the situation is truly hopeless.

A shiver runs through the boy, partly because of that thought, partly because no one deemed it necessary to invest in a heating system in a place like this. Castiel considers himself lucky that he had still been at Crowley’s place in the middle of winter, around here he probably would have frozen to death. The shelter really is horrible, even for Castiel’s standards, the ‘showers’ usually consist of one of the workers dumping a bucket of water over the slaves’ heads, the food is crap, the only clothing they have is a ripped and dirty cotton shirt with matching pants that have probably never seen a washing machine and of course there are the cock cage and a heavy collar that made your neck ache after 5 minutes of wearing it. At least they are allowed to shave once a week, probably just so they won’t scare potential buyers away immediately but you have to be grateful for small mercies.

Castiel is sitting in a corner at the back of his cell, tears stinging in his eyes once again when he hears the door to the room where the slaves are kept open. He recognizes Alistair’s voice but there is another one he has never heard before. Could that be a customer? Almost no one ever comes here, the slaves might be cheap but most people prefer to save up some money to buy better ones somewhere else.

The two men stop in front of Castiel’s cell, he can see their shoes but he doesn’t dare to look up, slaves always keep their eyes down. The unknown man murmurs something Castiel can’t understand and then follows Alistair into another room.

Castiel waits, this is the only door to the room so they have to come back out eventually and sure enough after about 10 minutes the men are back, standing in front of his cell again. The shock when the cell door is opened is almost big enough to make him look up but instead he just tenses when Alistair clips a leash to his collar, tugging Castiel to his feet.

“Come on, seems like someone’s actually interested in your ass.”

Alistair doesn’t let go of the leash and Castiel is pulled along towards the examination rooms. The boy can’t hold back the tears on the way there, he most likely will have a new master which means that the whole horrible cycle of being used, beaten and tossed away is just starting again.

Much too soon they are standing in front of a room labeled ‘exam-r1’. Castiel knows what’s coming and he doesn’t like it one bit. The room is mostly empty save for some shelves along the wall and a metal table with restraints attached to it in the center. Alistair orders Castiel to strip and while the boy is used to being naked around strangers he still hates it, hates the dirty, leering looks people give him and how they talk about his body and how they want to use it.

Castiel flinches when Alistair takes the cock cage off, it’s a relief to be free of that thing but being touched by any of the workers in the shelter always makes him feel slightly sick. Now he’s standing in front of the other two men completely naked, ready for inspection. It’s a mandatory procedure to ensure that the buyers can get a good look at the slaves and don’t come back a few days later with complaints about flaws they found on their bodies.

The second part of the inspection involves the slaves being strapped to the table so they can’t fight the groping, probing hands of their future owners. It’s not mandatory like the first one but everyone goes through with it anyways, it’s always a great way to humiliate your slave.

Castiel tries to calm his breathing, he knows what to expect, he will be tied down and then his new master will probably start fingering him open, call him a slut and laugh at him when the rough treatment makes him hard. Maybe slap his cock and pinch his nipples. It’s always the same. The man surprises him when after a few minutes of just staring – or at least Castiel supposes that’s what he’s been doing, the boy still doesn’t want to look up – he announces that he’d take Castiel home. No further examination. No being tied down. The man even refuses to let the cage be put back on.

Alistair simply orders Castiel to get dressed again, then clips the leash to his collar and hands it over to the other man with the words “Enjoy your new toy, Mr. Winchester”.

As soon as they are outside his new master unclips the leash again, motioning for a confused Castiel to follow him to the black car parked on the street. Castiel doesn’t expect to be allowed on the passenger seat, his former masters have always tied him up and put him in a cage in the trunk but apparently this one does nothing the conventional way. There’s silence in the car the whole drive to his new home but Castiel doesn’t dare to speak, too concentrated on keeping his head down and fighting even more tears.

From what Castiel can see while looking at his feet his master’s house looks very friendly and inviting on the in- and outside. The man’s behavior still confuses him, he hasn’t touched Castiel even once. Does he find Castiel disgusting? But why buy him then? Mr. Winchester has vanished to a room that’s presumably the kitchen, leaving Castiel standing in the hallway unsure of what to do. He is tempted to strip and kneel like he has done so many times in the past but he hasn’t been ordered to do that and he doesn’t want to make his new master angry on his first day here.

Suddenly a mug with hot and nicely smelling liquid appears in Castiel’s line of sight, followed by two fingers tipping his chin up. “Please look at me.” That’s an order so he complies. The first word in Castiel’s mind is ‘beautiful’. Mr. Winchester has short, light brown hair, green eyes and freckles. Lots of freckles.

“See? That wasn’t so difficult, was it?” Castiel shakes his head which earns him a small smile from his master.

“Ok, I made you some hot chocolate, I don’t even know if you like this stuff but I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t so…here. But be careful, don’t burn your tongue or anything”. He hands the mug to Castiel who hesitates, just staring at it.

“Don’t worry, it’s not drugged or anything, I just thought you needed something to warm you up. At least give it a try?”

His master’s almost pleading tone makes him give in and he takes a sip, it’s delicious and really does make him feel a bit warmer. If the drink wasn’t so hot he probably would empty the whole mug right then and there. His master grins. “Well, seems like that was a success. Come on, follow me, I think the next thing you need is a bath. A real one.”

Castiel has followed his master upstairs, the now empty mug still in his hands and he’s standing in a bathroom, watching the other man fill the bathtub and check the water temperature. He has no idea what he is supposed to do and he’s still scared. Mr. Winchester might have been relatively nice to him so far but that could change. Who knows what the man’s definition of a ‘real bath’ is. But when his master turns around and takes the mug, setting it aside, all he can see in his eyes is worry and maybe a bit…could it really be nervousness?

“Okay, so here’s the thing: I totally understand if you want your privacy and I can wait outside if you really want me to but to be honest I don’t feel comfortable leaving you all by yourself in here because you still seem a bit…unstable. Uhm, it’s your decision though so what’s it gonna be?”

Castiel stares at him, not really understanding what just happened. Did Mr. Winchester really just give him that option? He can already feel the hope growing in his chest, hope that his new master really is as nice as he seems to be but he doesn’t want it there. Having those hopes destroyed would hurt more than anything else. He didn’t realize that he was just staring at his master until the man speaks again.

“Come on Cas, talk to me. You want me to leave?”

The nickname is a surprise but Castiel doesn’t comment on it. ‘Cas’ is actually rather nice; his former masters usually called him ‘Cassie’ which he hated or simply ‘slave’, ‘pet’, ‘whore’ or ‘slut’, whatever they preferred. Then he remembers that Mr. Winchester asked him a question. Having the other man in the room with him won’t be a problem, Castiel has been naked in front of him before and probably will be in the future so he might as well get used to it. He shakes his head, strips and after he’s let his master take off the collar he climbs into the tub.

It feels amazing, the water is exactly the right temperature and he relaxes a little, some of the tension in his body fading away. Suddenly his master kneels next to the tub, handing him a sponge and soap.

“You should probably use these. And, uhm, would you mind if I washed your hair for you?” Who was Castiel to deny him that? The last time someone did that for him was when he was a baby and now it feels even better than he remembers.

Too soon his master gets up again, fetching a towel from a shelf next to the sink and holding it out to him. “Towel down, I’m gonna grab you some clothes”, he says before leaving the room. While Castiel gets out of the tub he wonders what kind of clothes he’ll get. His master doesn’t look like the kind of guy who likes to dress his slave up in frilly dresses so he doesn’t expect that kind of thing but it’s still a surprise when the other man comes back with a big hoodie, sweatpants and a pair of fuzzy socks in his arms. A few minutes later and Castiel is sure that it has to be illegal for clothes to be this comfy, he never wants to take them off.

Once they were back downstairs his master told him to sit down in the living room and wait there for him. Now Castiel is standing in front of the couch, his back turned to the TV and trying to decide what to do. Is he allowed to sit on the couch? He’s gotten a few beatings in his life for less trivial reasons and he doesn’t want to take any risks so he chooses the safe route and kneels down next to the couch.

Not even five minutes later the other man comes back, throwing a blanket onto the couch before letting out a sigh and kneeling in front of him. His master takes both of his hands into his own, pulling Castiel to his feet before falling back onto the couch, dragging the boy with him.

Castiel ends up in the other man’s lap, facing him, legs on either side of his body. They keep holding hands and stare at each other for a few moments before his master begins to speak.

“Let’s get some things straight, okay? I’m not gonna hurt you, not now, not ever. I know you’ve been through too much to just believe me when I say that but it’s the truth. And I get that this is difficult for you but please look at me when I talk to you okay? Also I understand if you don’t want to talk or are too scared and just need some time but there’s one thing you have to promise me: tell me immediately if you’re not okay. I won’t hurt you and you won’t have to do anything you don’t want to do but if you don’t feel well or if I do anything at all to make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable then _tell me._ Can you do that?”

Castiel barely manages to hold back the tears and he can only stare at his master who at the end of his little speech looks almost as vulnerable as Castiel feels. He allows the tiny seeds of hope in his chest to grow a bit bigger and nods weakly. The other man smiles and pulls him against his chest, hugging the boy tightly.

They stay like that for several minutes but then Castiel tenses up when he feels one of his master’s hands working its way under the hoodie, lying flat against his back. He waits for his master to take the hoodie off, to start groping him or playing with him but nothing happens. Slowly he allows himself to relax again, and when his breathing is back to normal his master starts gently tracing the scars on his back, fingers following the crisscrossing lines.

This time Castiel can’t stop the tears, burying his face in the other man’s neck, hands clutching his shirt. He hates his scars, can remember the pain when he got them and how his other masters have always told him that they made him flawed, worthless. To have them touched like this is almost overwhelming.

When the movement stops and his master asks if he is okay he whimpers but nods against the man’s shoulder. Right now Castiel doesn’t care about the rapidly shrinking voice in the back of his head that tells him that the ‘nice guy’ thing can still turn out to be a façade, he just wants to enjoy this feeling for a little bit longer without worrying about what the future might bring.

After what could have been minutes or hours his master slowly pulls away and without warning places a light kiss on Castiel’s cheek, lips barely touching the skin. Then he nudges the boy, indicating to let him get up.

“You’re probably hungry, aren’t you? I’ll get you some food, you stay here and get comfortable”, he says while draping the blanket he brought in earlier over the boy. Castiel waits patiently, looking around the room. Aside from the couch, table and TV there are two armchairs, a few drawers and shelves filled with books along the walls. He wonders if he’ll be allowed to read some of them.

When his master comes back he gives Castiel two sandwiches saying “I’m really just guessing here but the hot chocolate worked so I hope you also like BLT sandwiches. Same goes for popcorn ‘cos I’m gonna make some of that now, we can eat that, watch some TV and then call it a day. I’m beat and you look like you could fall asleep standing up. Try the sandwich, I’ll be right back.”

He is already gone when Castiel takes his first bite. Just like the hot chocolate it tastes wonderful, he really could get used to this. Castiel is just chewing on the last bit of his second sandwich when his master comes back, plopping down next to him and pulling the blanket around them both, the bucket of popcorn he brought placed between them.

A few minutes later Castiel sits completely relaxed on the couch, occasionally grabbing some popcorn while they watch cartoons. Those even get some giggles and small laughs out of the boy and he is surprised; Castiel can’t remember the last time he actually laughed or felt as content as he does sitting there on the couch with the warmth of another body next to his.

Castiel didn’t even realize that he was falling asleep until he’s woken up by someone gently shaking his shoulder. “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty, it’s time for bed.”

That gets him to sit up straighter, he hasn’t thought about what the sleeping arrangements will be. Usually his masters kept him in a cage during the night or locked him in the basement. After everything that has happened today he dares to hope that he’ll be allowed to sleep in a bed, or at least somewhere where he can get reasonably comfortable. Apparently his master hasn’t really thought about it either, they are standing in front of the bedroom on the first floor and the man is staring at him, obviously trying to figure out what to say.

After doing some very convincing impressions of a fish he finally says “Do you want to sleep with me? Uhm, I mean sleep in the same bed, not…y’know. You okay with that?”  

Castiel doesn’t have to think too long about it, he nods. Had he listened more closely to the small voice in his head that keeps trying to tell him that this is all too good to be true he probably would have had more doubts. As it is he can’t really see any downsides to this, he gets to sleep in a warm and comfy bed and right now that is enough. Castiel is already buried under the blankets on one side of the bed when his master comes out of the bathroom where he changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

The other man climbs into the bed, lying down on his side facing Castiel, still a lot of space between them. He smiles and mutters a “Good Night, Cas”, before closing his eyes. Castiel tries to stay awake for a bit, watching the other sleep but soon he is drifting away into unconsciousness too.

When he opens his eyes again he finds that he can’t move. He’s on his back, naked, wrists and ankles tied to the four corners of the metal table he is lying on. There’s no ceiling above him, just an endless black void and as soon as he starts crying out for help faces appear out of the dark. Castiel recognizes them, Alistair is the one closest to him, the rest are some of his former masters and people who have been working in the shelters he used to live in. Before he can even think of begging them to leave him alone the pain starts. Nowhere and everywhere at once. There is nothing to see but Castiel can clearly feel the whip coming down on his thighs and his cock, the clothespins clamped on his nipples and along his chest, hot wax dripping on every part of his body. Those kinds of things are nothing new to him, he’s been subjected to them more than once in his life and yet the pain he feels right now is worse than he has ever experienced before. Soon Castiel is reduced to a sobbing mess, he wants it to be over, wants to die, or at least pass out…

“CAS!!!” He can hear a voice through the fog in his brain, one that clearly doesn’t belong to any of the people around the table, and suddenly, from one moment to the next he finds himself staring into a pair of green eyes instead of the black, lifeless ones of his tormentors. Everything is a bit fuzzy through the tears in his eyes and it takes him a moment to realize it’s over, that it was just a nightmare and he is proud of himself for not even flinching when his master puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay, it was just a dream. Jesus Christ, Cas, you scared the crap out of me. Do you wanna talk about it? How are you feeling? Think you can go back to sleep?” The concerned tone in his master’s voice does nothing to stop Castiel from crying and he shakes his head. He can’t talk about this, not now and he’s wide awake so going back to sleep doesn’t seem like an option. His master sighs and gets up from the bed, gesturing for Castiel to follow him.

A few minutes later they are sitting in the kitchen, his master has given him a glass of water and some crackers which he is now nibbling at. The other man sits across from him, still looking at him as if he was afraid that Castiel would suddenly jump up and start screaming. It seems like he wants to say something but keeps quiet.

Eventually they go upstairs, back to their respective sides of the bed, lying on their sides facing each other. Castiel has calmed down considerably and he feels tired but he’s still a bit on edge, this has by far not been his first nightmare but it left him more unsettled than usual and he’s scared of going back to sleep, back to that place. His unease must show because his master lifts one arm in invitation and Castiel doesn’t even consider refusing it.

He cuddles up to his master, head tucked under the other’s chin and can feel a kiss being pressed to his forehead. Castiel’s eyelids are already drooping and a muttered “I’m here, nothing’s gonna happen to you” is the last thing he hears before he falls into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

This time he wakes up to the much more pleasant sensation of fingers softly running through his hair and someone whispering “Good Morning, Cas” into his ear. Castiel is comfortable and really doesn’t want to get up but soon his master pulls away, disentangling their limbs in the process and he figures it would be best to follow the man downstairs.

In the kitchen he has to fight every instinct to get up and help his master make breakfast, he had been too surprised by the events yesterday to really think about it but it was usually him being ordered around doing stuff for others and it feels weird to just sit and stare. On the upside it gives Castiel some time to think, his master has been so good to him so far and he really needs to start talking to the man and sort things out. He already trusts him more than he thought he’d be able to but he still has to find out what exactly the man’s intentions are.

Communication is the key and while Castiel has a feeling that his master would be happy to talk to him he has no idea where to start. ‘Baby steps’ he tells himself and when a plate with bacon and scrambled eggs is placed in front of him he looks up at the other man and stutters out a “T-thank you, M…” _Wait_. How is he supposed to address him? Sure, in his own head he called him ‘master’ but that is basically muscle memory, actually calling him that just doesn’t feel right.

Castiel’s thought process comes to a screeching halt when the shocked expression on the other man’s face melts away in to a huge grin.

“Hey, we’re making progress. I hope this wasn’t just a one-time thing, I really need you to tell me what you like to eat, you can’t live on hot chocolate, sandwiches and scrambled eggs forever.”

Talk to him. You can do this.

“I…I don’t really know. I haven’t exactly been given a lot of choice until now. Usually I just got the cold scraps from the day before, most of the time I didn’t even know what it was.”

Castiel can see his master’s smile turning into a half sad, half angry expression, which then quickly gives way to one of confusion and shock at the boy’s next words. “What do you want me to call you?” He has to ask, there’s no other way to do this but he certainly didn’t expect the response he gets.

“You can just call me Dean of course…oh. Oh wait. Shit. I totally forgot to introduce myself yesterday didn’t I? FUCK! I’m an idiot!” From what Castiel can tell his ma- _Dean_ barely manages to stop himself from slamming his head against the wall. After a few moments of incredibly awkward silence Castiel says “Hello, Dean” and the smile he gets for that is almost enough to completely make him forget his breakfast.

After the kitchen table is cleaned and Dean announces that they’ll need to have The Talk they go back to the living room and sit down on the couch, Castiel once again in Dean’s lap. Castiel squirms a bit under the serious and expectant stare that’s directed at him but he listens attentively. “So I know I said it already but I promise you’re safe here Cas. No one’s gonna hurt you and I just want you to be happy. Since were talking now you should ask me all the questions that you probably have.”

“Why did you choose me?” Apparently his mouth has different ideas than his brain because that’s not what he wanted to ask but now that it’s out he might as well go through with it and his next question is barely more than a whisper.

“Are you going to fuck me?” Immediately Castiel can feel Dean’s hands tighten on his hips, matching the almost angry expression on the man’s face and he clearly has to control himself not to scream.

“No Cas, I’m not….Jesus, you really think that’s the only reason you’re here right now, don’t you? I want to kill those people who did that to you Cas, you’re not just some worthless fuck toy that can be tossed away and I want you to see that. I’m not gonna lie to you, I’d like to have sex with you because wow, you’re incredibly attractive okay? But we won’t do that if you don’t want to and I’m not gonna pressure you into anything. And if you want to but still need time then I’ll wait, just don’t think you have to say yes to please me, do what feels right for you. Besides, even if something happens we’re not going to ‘fuck’, we’ll have sex or sleep together or – and I can’t believe I’m saying this – make love. It won’t be just fucking, not for me. And as to why I chose you let’s just say my mother instincts kicked in. That creep at the shelter told me your story, or at least what he knew from it, and what he said made me sick. I saw you in that cell and I just…I don’t know. Sam – that’s my little brother – always says that I’m a natural mother hen and want to take care of everybody so that’s what I’m doing. To be honest I’m kinda lonely sometimes, I don’t want a slave or a pet or anything, I want a friend, a partner, someone who is there for me _,_ someone who lets me take care of them in return, someone I can laugh with and someone who can put up with me. I really like you Cas and I hope one day you can find it in yourself to trust me and like me back. And wow, I’m talking way too much aren’t I? I’ll shut up now and please say something ‘cause you look like you’re freaking out.”

Castiel is pretty sure he stopped breathing halfway through that little speech, he still has problems believing that this is real and not just a dream, but if this is all true then he has an amazing chance to start a new life and who is he to say no to that? “I’d like that.” There’s the smile again, the one Castiel quickly realizes he wants to see as often as possible and that makes his stomach flip in a weirdly pleasant way.

“Ok that’s…that’s good. Uhm, listen, I obviously work during the week and I know it sucks that you’re not allowed to work or go to school or just go anywhere without me and I thought today we could go out and buy some stuff? You definitely need some clothes and I don’t want you to get bored when you’re alone at home so we can buy books or videogames or whatever you want. Sounds good?” Castiel nods and they both get up, heading upstairs to get ready for the day that lies ahead of them.

Dean finds some of his old clothes for Castiel to wear to their shopping trip, an ACDC shirt and jeans that are a bit too big for the boy. It’s a hassle to find fitting shoes but eventually a pair of sneakers from the back of the closet saves the day. When Dean takes a shiny new collar out of a box Castiel can’t help but be surprised. Not because the other man is making him wear it, they both know slaves are required to be collared in public, but because he didn’t even realize that Dean didn’t put one on him after the bath the day before.

Even after all these years wearing a collar still feels wrong to Castiel but at least this one isn’t too tight and it’s actually comfortable enough that he barely feels it against his throat. Going by how Dean eyes the thing he’s not exactly fond of it either but it can’t be helped. An few minutes later they’re sitting in the car, on their way into the city.

Their first stop is at a small diner where Castiel devours two burgers and some French fries and declares it unfair that something so unhealthy is so delicious. Afterwards they wander around the city from shop to shop, buying shirts, jeans, socks, underwear, a jacket and a pair of shoes. Castiel has never liked being in any way on display for other people but somehow stepping out of the changing room and showing off this and that shirt to a pleased looking Dean is fun.

It takes ages to finish this part of their shopping trip because Castiel has problems deciding which clothes he wants. He never had to make _choices_ before and they can’t take home the whole shop after all. On top of that he enjoys just standing on the boardwalk for 10 minutes at a time, watching cars and people passing by. Castiel has never been to a big city when he was a child and later…well, he’s been locked up all of the time so it’s a lot to take in for him but he loves every second of it.

He is particularly happy when they exit a bookstore with two bags full of books, Castiel never had a chance to read although he could and now he has the time and opportunity to catch up on what he’s missed out. Dean keeps insisting that he has to read Vonnegut and although Castiel doesn’t know anything about the author or his works he makes a mental to read those books first. He is also pretty sure that Dean only uses him as an excuse to buy a new Playstation but he decides not to mention it.

Castiel is in a great mood, at least until they come back to the car, dumping their new purchases next to the clothes they dropped off earlier. Staring at the huge pile of bags he suddenly feels guilty, Dean spent so much money on this stuff and he can’t really do anything to repay him, he can’t work and earn money, can’t go out and buy something for him.

All he can do is household chores and then there is…No. He doesn’t want to start thinking about his former masters, not now, but he knows the tears are already coming. He barely registers Dean calling his name or the hand on his shoulder. “Cas? What’s wrong?”

Castiel has to choke back a sob before he can speak. “I’m not worth it. I can’t repay you. I-“

The rest of the sentence is lost against Dean’s chest as Castiel returns the hug, listening to the voice right next to his ear. “You don’t have to repay me Cas and you are not worthless, you hear me? Never think that about yourself. I don’t want you to buy anything for me, you being with me and more importantly being happy to be with me is all I need, okay? I just need you Cas.”

After a few moments Dean pulls back, grabbing a pack of tissues from the car and handing them to Castiel with a smile. “Let’s go to the park, it’s a nice day and it’ll get your mind off things.” Castiel smiles back and nods, taking Dean’s offered hand and together they head down the street.

The park is even better than the city itself. They’ve been wandering around aimlessly for almost an hour, occasionally stopping to watch ducks, squirrels or the many people with their dogs. Castiel loves it, loves how happy they all seem to be and how _alive_ everything is. He is leaning over the railing of a bridge, watching the fish in the water below while Dean stands in line at the hot dog cart a few meters away. Suddenly he feels hands on him and the smell of alcohol tells him that it’s certainly not Dean.

He spins around and lets out a tiny squeak, almost going over the railing as he does so. In front of him is a middle aged man, clearly drunk with dark hair, brown eyes and a lascivious grin on his face.

“Hey there pretty boy, you look like you’d be a great fuck. I think I’mma take you home with me, we can have lots of fun together.”

The man leans in and Castiel has to fight the urge to gag, whether from the smell or the whole situation in general he doesn’t know. He wants to move but he’s pressed against the railing and too scared to lash out. It wouldn’t end well for him anyway, hitting a ‘free man’ is one of the worst things a slave can do. From one moment to the next the man is gone and Castiel’s brain catches up just in time to see him getting punched in the face by Dean.

The man stumbles backwards but it doesn’t stop him, he just glares at Dean.

“Calm down dude, it’s just a slave and with that hot ass he’s practically begging for it. We could share, let’s just-“

The sentence gets cut off by another punch and this time Dean grabs the man, one hand fisted in his shirt, the other against his throat. Dean’s glare is terrifying and Castiel is equal parts impressed and scared, silently hoping that he’ll never be on the receiving end of his wrath.

“You shut up right now. I’m only gonna say this once so pay attention. When I let you go you run, run as fast as you can. And if I ever see you again a bloody nose is gonna be the least of your problems. Got it?” The other man looks about two seconds away from peeing himself and he nods weakly, taking off at an impressive speed as soon as the grip on him is loosened.

Dean stands watching his retreat and Castiel barely registers the murmurs of the people who have stopped to watch, he has no idea how to approach Dean now or how to deal with this side of him. That problem is solved when Dean turns around, deadly glare gone and replaced by worry.

Castiel lets himself be pulled into a tight hug and they stand there, not caring if people are watching them. “You okay?” Castiel nods, face buried in Dean’s neck; he is still a bit shaken but it’s not too bad. “I am now.” The arms around him tighten for a second before letting go completely. They smile at each other and Dean takes Castiel’s hand, leading him towards the park’s exit.

They stopped to buy groceries on their way back, Dean seemed surprised when Castiel told him he knew how to cook, but agreed to let the boy prepare dinner that night. Now they are carrying all the stuff they bought that day inside, dumping it in the hallway. Before Castiel can even take his jacket off Dean unfastens the collar, letting it drop on the drawer next to him. If he’s honest Castiel has already forgotten that it was even there but Dean is visibly bothered by it even if he doesn’t say anything.

When Castiel is cooking dinner some time later he’s more than a little distracted by Dean who always stands next to him, sometimes just watching, sometimes kissing his cheek or putting an arm around his waist and nuzzling his neck. Castiel doesn’t mind.

After dinner they are back on the couch, cuddled together, bucket of popcorn clutched between them. Dean insists that he has to teach Castiel about pop culture and decides to start with Star Wars. Watching the first movie goes by without a hitch, they both eat popcorn, Dean occasionally kissing Castiel’s forehead and nose, both happy and content. It’s halfway through the second movie when Castiel feels doubts he thought he buried resurface.

He knows life here will be good, that he finally has a chance at being happy but what if it doesn’t last? What would happen if they got into some kind of relationship? Sure, he hopes it would last and they could be together forever but what if it doesn’t? Normal couples can split up, get divorced, one can walk out the door and they’d never see each other again. Castiel can’t do that. Even if it doesn’t feel like it he still belongs to Dean and if this, whatever they have, doesn’t work out Dean isn’t obligated to keep him.

“Please don’t take me back there.” The words are out before Castiel can stop them and any hope of Dean not having heard him vanishes when he feels the other man tense. He pulls Castiel on his lap, the exact same position they were in this morning. It already seems like so long ago.

“What did you just say?” Dean doesn’t sound angry or upset, just incredibly sad and worried and that’s all it takes for Castiel to start crying in earnest. “Please don’t take me back there. Don’t give me away. I don’t wanna go to the shelter. Please.”

Castiel closed his eyes but opens them when he feels Dean’s hands cup the sides of his face. The other man also has tears in his eyes and visibly struggles to get his next words out. “I’m not gonna do that Cas. Not ever. This is your home too; you’re family now and maybe you don’t know me very well yet but nothing is more important to me than family. Sorry, but you’re stuck with me.”

Castiel can’t help but smile a little at that last part, willingly returning the hug he’s pulled into. Looking back he’s gotten more hugs in the last 24 hours than he did in all years of his life together. Somehow that thought is reassuring. They hold onto each other for a few minutes before slowly going back to their previous positions in order to watch the rest of the movie. They’ve missed a huge part and Castiel knows they’ll watch it again soon so he doesn’t really pay much attention, instead resting his head on Dean’s chest and listening to his heartbeat.

They go to bed an hour later and by unspoken agreement curl up together in the middle of the bed, arms around the other’s waist and noses almost touching. Castiel falls asleep with a smile on his face and the thought that maybe things will really turn out okay for him.

* * *

 

**Three months later**

Sometimes the domesticity still feels surreal. After being a slave for so long _this_ is completely new territory. Since Dean usually doesn’t have the time for it because of work Cas officially became the cook in the house and makes shopping lists for Dean whenever they can’t go shopping together. Dean loves coming home after a long day of work to a warm dinner and often takes over the kitchen on weekends, set on making something delicious for Cas in exchange.

They’ve really become a couple over the last three months, they have their routines; eat breakfast together before Dean goes to work, eat dinner together when Dean comes home from work, watch TV or play videogames before going to bed.

As it turned out Dean isn’t the only one fond of videogames and soon they owned a wide variety of games and consoles. Cas loves all of them and Dean likes his enthusiasm but that only ever lasts until Cas beats him at Mario Kart…again. Dean’s revenge usually consists of teasing Cas for his not so secret love of Animal Crossing.

Another new hobby of Cas besides the gaming is reading, he especially likes the fantasy genre, has practically devoured Tolkien’s works and after watching Game of Thrones he knows what will be next. He’s also taken up gardening, the house has a small garden in the back and while it looked nice it had been clear that Dean has never actually worked on it. Now there are flowers everywhere and if Cas has his way two or three kinds of vegetables would join soon. All in all he is very happy with his life.

Also a big factor responsible for his happiness is the fact that Cas really feels like a part of the family now. He met Dean’s parents as well as Dean’s brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law and all of them accepted Cas like one of their own. Mary probably hugged him even more often than Dean did which was saying something.

The extended Winchester family loves him too, Cas became friends with Bobby, Jody, Garth, Kevin and Charlie and after a difficult start he and Benny begrudgingly admitted that the other wasn’t that bad. Dean and Cas often visit Ellen, Jo and Ash who are old friends of the Winchesters and own the ‘Roadhouse’ two towns over. The food there is delicious and it is without a doubt Dean and Cas’ favorite place.

Unless it’s for shopping trips or a visit to the park or friends they don’t go out that much, Dean hates seeing Cas in a collar and Cas doesn’t mind staying at home most of the time. Dean on the other hand is perpetually worried that Cas might not like being cooped up there all the time so about a month ago he promised Cas that he’d take him on a roadtrip eventually and show him the Grand Canyon and the Yellowstone National Park – Cas loves watching documentaries about them and apparently Dean picked up on it. Not that he’s complaining.

Their relationship is still sort of in progress even though they have already come a long way. After about two weeks of living with the man Cas finally told Dean about his life with his former masters. Dean didn’t say anything even though there was barely disguised fury in his eyes, he just held Cas and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Speaking of kisses. In the first three weeks Dean kissed Cas everywhere he could reach, his nose, his forehead, cheek, neck and the top of his head.

Eventually Cas figured out that Dean was waiting for a sign from him that he was ready for more and so one night Cas turned his head just a little bit to meet Dean’s lips with his own. The kiss was chaste, just lips softly brushing but it was enough to make Cas feel lightheaded. Another week later and Cas was comfortable enough to initiate kisses, soon followed by their first kiss involving tongue.

At night they sleep in the same bed of course, Cas loves being close to Dean and more often than not wakes up completely wrapped around the other man. That however brought up one issue: morning wood. Sex was a topic they have always avoided, Cas wasn’t ready to truly be intimate with someone and Dean knew it and waited patiently. They had agreed to take care of any problems in the morning separately, Dean usually got the bathroom first and everything was working out fine.

Then one morning, a little over two months since Cas started living with Dean, he let his hand wander south on impulse, surprising himself. Cas has no idea why he did it, his hand brushed the waistband of Dean’s boxers, making both of them freeze. But Cas panicked, he couldn’t go through with it, not in that moment and he pulled his hand back muttering “I’m sorry”. Before he could get out of bed though a hand on his wrist stopped him.

“Don’t be, it’s okay.” Cas turned around, staring right into Dean’s eyes.

“I want to, Dean, believe me I do. I hate that I can’t just _be_ with you and I wish I wasn’t so messed up but it is like it is and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know what I’m scared of or what exactly is holding me back but I wish I could just make it go away and stop being afraid of _touching_ you. Or being touched by you for that matter.”

Dean looked hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if he should say what he apparently wanted to but finally blurt out “I have an idea.” At Cas skeptical look he explained. “I mean you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to but it might help? It’s some sort of touch therapy shit I heard about ages ago and I don’t know? We can give it a try if you really want.”

Whatever Cas had been expecting it wasn’t this. During breakfast Dean had tried to explain to him what they’d do but still. He was kneeling at the foot of the bed in his boxers and a t-shirt while Dean was splayed out before him, arms over his head and completely naked. Dean had suggested being tied up for this but Cas had vehemently refused; restraints of any form in the bedroom weren’t something he ever wanted to be a part of again even if he was not on the receiving end.

The idea behind the exercise was that Cas would get to touch Dean but not the other way around so Cas could ‘explore’ without having to worry that it might turn into something he wasn’t comfortable with. He had seen Dean naked before so that wasn’t a problem and after taking a deep breath he started crawling towards the head of the bed and leaned in for a kiss. When he pulled back after a few moments Dean smiled at him sheepishly. “I just…Sorry. Y’know, in case it…uhm”

Dean meaningfully looked down at his own crotch, cheeks tinted red which was a bit ridiculous considering the position he was in but Cas just shook his head. “It’s okay.” And it really was. If he ever really wanted to be with Dean he couldn’t let himself be stopped by a stupid boner. He let his hands slowly trail down Dean’s arms, coming to rest on his chest and he leaned down to press a light kiss to his collarbone.

Ignoring Dean’s quickening breathing his hands continued their journey down the other man’s chest, this time stopping on his hips while Cas pressed another kiss directly above his belly button. He avoided the area below, continuing with thighs, then knees, then down to the ankles. It was always the same, first just hands and then a single kiss.

When he reached Dean’s feet he gave himself a moment to consider what to do next. So far he hadn’t freaked out or anything and he decided to be a bit more daring. Kisses, he could do that. He had kissed Dean often enough, this was the same just…different body parts. And so he started his way back up to the head of the bed, this time slowly placing a long line of kisses on Dean’s legs instead of giving it just a few pecks.

He avoided his crotch once again and yep, Dean definitely liked what was happening right now. Cas reached Dean’s chest and hesitated for a moment before pressing a kiss to each nipple, earning him a hiss from above. It was the first real sound Dean had made except for a few whimpers and Cas was quite impressed by the other man’s self-control. Pleased with his own progress and what he had accomplished so far Cas stole another proper kiss and then sat back between Dean’s legs, just looking.

Of course his gaze was drawn to Dean’s cock, completely hard and already a deep red. Now or never. Cas reached out and lightly touched it with his fingertips, just keeping them there and not moving. He was sure Dean had stopped breathing. For a few moments they stared at each other and then Cas moved his hand slowly, almost painfully so, to properly grab Dean’s cock, holding it in his hand.

Every instinct was telling him to let go and run, get as far away from this situation as possible. But he couldn’t do that. Didn’t _want_ to do that. He had fallen in love with Dean, the man had given him a new life, taking away all the fears and the pain Cas had been carrying around with him for the past years and this was the only thing that still kept him from fully trusting Dean. Cas took a deep breath, looked Dean straight in the eyes and started pumping his dick, using the precome that had already pooled on Dean’s stomach.

One of the very few good things that Cas had taken with him from his life as a slave was that he was _perfect_ at this. Of course everyone had different tastes but he knew exactly how hard to grip a cock so it would be enough pressure to feel good without hurting, he knew how to rub the head with his thumb to create pleasure and he knew when the other was close and he had to speed up a little.

Going by Dean’s moans and his vice-like grip on the sheets Cas was doing a great job. Cas only had a brief moment to worry if Dean coming all over his hand would finally be what gave him a panic attack but before he could even finish that thought Dean tumbled over the edge, body arching off the bed with a choked cry that sounded a lot like Cas’ name.

Cas just kept going, helping Dean through his orgasm until the man’s whimpers made it clear that he should stop. He wiped his hand on the sheets and when he looked up he was greeted by a pair of disbelieving eyes and a croaky voice.

“Holy shit…did that just…did you…holy shit.” Cas couldn’t have said it better himself. Dean grabbed a few tissues from the nightstand, cleaning himself up while Cas came to lie next to him. Cas wasn’t concerned with his own release at the moment, just wanted to be close to Dean and although it was still early in the day they decided to take a nap since that little exercise had been difficult for both of them. A whispered “You’re amazing” was the last thing Cas heard before falling asleep.

They kept going through this procedure just to be sure that Cas was really okay with it and wouldn’t suddenly start freaking out. It was mainly at Dean’s insistence though, Cas had been sure since the first time that he wouldn’t panic. He was actually building up the courage for something else he wanted to surprise Dean with and a little over a week after they first did this he deemed himself ready.

Dean was spread out before him as usual and just like all the times before Cas started with touches that turned into kisses but at the point where he’d usually start to get Dean off with his hand he placed a kiss to the head of Dean’s cock which got him a surprised moan. He kept licking and kissing, loving all the little noises he could pull from Dean.

Eventually he decided he had teased enough and took Dean in his mouth. This time he was met with a loud groan but it didn’t stop him, he started bobbing his head, first slowly then a little faster, then he pulled off, kissed the head and the whole cycle began anew. It felt weird being able to do what he wanted, to dictate the pace. The last time he had a cock in his mouth he had choked on it, there had been hands roughly gripping his hair and a mocking voice from above was telling him that he was made to suck cock and that he was being such a good slut for his master. This…this was different.

He enjoyed it, he was happy knowing that he made Dean feel good and when Dean came he even swallowed. It was something he had always hated until now but this was _Dean_ and to his own surprise he was actually eager to do this all over again. Cas was so immersed in his own personal little revelation that at first he didn’t notice Dean staring at him until a squeaking noise got his attention. The other man looked even more surprised than he had done a week ago when Cas had first touched him and Cas just couldn’t help it – he leaned down and kissed that stunned expression right off his face.

Ever since then they’ve traded handjobs and blowjobs, usually in the morning or in the evening when they sat on the couch. Cas had been surprisingly calm when Dean first touched him and he was incredibly proud of himself for it. He had just sat back on the couch with Dean between his legs and he had been totally overwhelmed but happy with the blowjob that followed. They kept doing their little touch therapy sessions because they enjoyed them, even though they weren’t necessary anymore. That arrangement left them both satisfied at the end of the day and they were very happy with it. Until now.

Cas is standing in the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror. He got lost in his memories but now isn’t the time for that, he needs to focus. Tonight is important. Tonight he’ll actually have sex with Dean. The problem is that Dean doesn’t know it yet. Sure, the other man had been surprised at Cas’ refusal of a blowjob earlier when they were watching TV but he didn’t seem to suspect anything. Which is why Cas is now raking his brain trying to find the best way to ask for what he wants, he may have been planning this for about a week but now that the time is finally here he is frozen in the bathroom, Dean outside on the bed and probably half asleep by now. He has to stop wasting time. One deep breath and Cas walks out of the bathroom into the adjoining bedroom, coming to a halt about three steps away from the bed.

Apparently his inner turmoil is evident on his face because Dean is staring at him with a worried expression.

“You okay, Cas?” No turning back now.

“I’m ready.” The first thing he sees on Dean’s face is complete and utter confusion and after several long moments it melts into understanding, then disbelief, then joy, then back to his original worried look. “You really sure about that?”

Cas nods, going to sit next to Dean on the bed.

“I am. But I’m not going to pretend that I’m not nervous. The only memories I have of this kind of thing are laced with pain and fear. I trust you Dean, more than I have ever trusted anyone in my life and I know you won’t hurt me. I know you can make it good for me. I want to be with you, I want to do this with you. Please.”

Dean smiles and leans in to steal a kiss, murmuring an “okay” against Cas’ lips.

Cas himself is only vaguely aware of them slowly taking each other’s clothes off, mind too occupied with a mantra of _thisisreallyhappening._ When they are both naked Cas gives one last reassuring smile that he hopes can convey “yes I really want this don’t worry so much” before stretching out on his stomach, pillowing his head on his arms. He looks over his shoulder and he is greeted with a sad looking Dean and yeah, that’s not the emotion he was hoping for. But before he can question it Dean shakes his head.

“Turn around. If we’re going to do this it’s gonna be face-to-face.” Oh. He didn’t even consider that Dean might want that but in hindsight he really should not have expected anything else. Cas almost kicks Dean in the chest in his haste to turn over. When he settles, knees bent and legs slightly open so Dean can fit between them there is a moment where the two of them just stare at each other before Dean presses a kiss to Cas thigh. “Let’s do this then.”

He starts slowly, hands roaming all over Cas upper body, then kissing his collarbone and his chest, paying special attention to his nipples, sucking, licking and gently nibbling until both nubs are completely hard under his tongue. Cas is fighting to keep his eyes open, he wants to watch but what Dean is doing simply feels too good.

His breath is already coming out in short gasps and he has decided he won’t even try to keep all his little moans and whimpers in; he wants to enjoy this and maybe this way he can show Dean how much he loves this. He feels the other man moving downwards, pressing a line of kisses from his chest to the base of his cock.

Cas can only throw his head back and moan when Dean starts lightly sucking on the head, tongue lapping at his slit but never taking him deeper and then pulling off to give the shaft a few kitten licks. Suddenly any contact is gone and Cas can’t hold back his whines which quickly turn into a groan of approval when he sees Dean fetch lube and condoms from the bedside table.

By the time Dean is back on the bed, one hand rubbing Cas’ thigh and the fingers of the other covered in lube, Cas is panting heavily, his eyes closed, anticipation making his stomach clench. He freezes when he feels a finger touching his hole but Dean just keeps up his reassuring touches.

“Shhhh, Cas, it’s okay. Please look at me.” It takes more effort than he wants to admit but he manages to open his eyes, staring into a pair of green ones farther down on the bed. “I can’t promise that this won’t hurt but I’ll go slow. If you want me to stop you need to tell me, okay?”

Cas forces himself to say ‘yes’, Dean probably would not be satisfied with a simple nod in this situation. “Good. Now try to relax for me.”

It’s difficult, to say the least, but eventually Cas manages to calm down enough to relax his muscles and Dean doesn’t waste a second before pushing the first finger in, making Cas tense all over again. He tries to control his breathing, concentrating on Dean’s finger inside of him. It’s okay, it’s just him and Dean. He won’t get hurt. He has the option to call this off, he doesn’t just have to lie there and take it.

“Move, Dean.” His own words surprise him but he doesn’t take them back, he wants this. Dean obliges, wiggling his finger until it’s fully inside Cas. He starts moving it around, slowly stroking Cas’ inner walls and Cas knows what Dean is try-

His train of thought is cut off by a long (and probably too loud) moan, leaving no doubt for Dean that he succeeded. The man just grins and continues rubbing that spot while Cas is writhing beneath him.

Without warning Dean takes Cas’ cock in his mouth, running his tongue along the shaft and letting the head drag along the back of his throat and Cas screams above him. After what could have been seconds or minutes or hours Dean pulls off and Cas doesn’t even have the energy to complain anymore. He does, however, manage a surprised squeak when Dean also pulls three fingers out instead of one; Dean apparently knows how to distract him. He watches with hungry eyes as Dean puts on one of the condoms and uses his still slick fingers to cover it with lube. “Ready?”

Cas has barely nodded in affirmation when he feels the head of Dean’s cock pressing against his hole. He takes a deep breath – or at least as deep as he can in that moment – and wills his muscles to relax. Dean pushes in ever so slowly, it’s not exactly painful, more like a pleasant burn and Cas only lets him pause when he’s fully inside. “Shit. Fair warning, Cas, I’m not gonna last very long.”

“Okay, wait, just…just give me a minute.”

While Cas tries to catch his breath and adjusts his legs so they are slung around Dean’s waist he feels his hands being pried away from the sheets he’s been clawing at ever since this whole thing started. Then Dean is holding his hands and looking down at him with an expression of pure love and adoration and Cas has never felt more vulnerable but protected at the same time in his life.

Words aren’t necessary anymore, Cas rocks his hips as Dean starts to move in slow, long thrusts and then they are kissing, moans lost in the other’s mouth. Having Dean inside of him is an incredible feeling and when the other man tries to pull one hand away – presumably to help Cas get off – he grips it tighter. He’s sure he can come from this alone, he wants to try and besides he really does not want to let go of Dean.

Instead they keep kissing, messy and with noses bumping but neither of them cares. Soon they start losing their rhythm, Dean’s thrusts become shorter and faster, Cas hips are twitching uncontrollably and then they’re both coming; Cas falls over the edge first with a shout and his muscles clenching around the cock buried inside of him have Dean following directly after, soon collapsing on top of Cas, completely spent.

Eventually Dean manages to pull out of Cas and toss the used condom into the garbage can next to the nightstand. When Dean stares down at him Cas has a what is no doubt ridiculous smile on his face but he doesn’t care.

“I…I didn’t know it could feel like this. I mean I knew it would feel good but this…I just…thank you, Dean.”

It comes out breathless and Dean’s answer is not much better.

“No Cas. Thank _you_ , for trusting me. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

With a quick kiss to Cas’ nose he gets up. “I’ll clean up, just wait here.”

Cas is already half asleep when he feels the first swipe of the wet cloth on his chest and he peers down, watching with half lidded eyes as the rest of his body is also cleaned. Dean pays special attention to his by now soft cock and his balls and Cas wiggles a bit when the towel comes in contact with his sore hole. When Dean is done he throws the towel on the floor, kissing Cas cock once before climbing up the bed and lying down next to him, pulling a blanket around them both.

Cas rolls over to curl up next to him but Dean’s expression stops him. The man looks happier than Cas has ever seen him and _he_ is the reason for it.

“I love you.” Cas has never said it before but it is true. He’s been living in this house for three months and somewhere along the way he fell in love with Dean. It’s probably not a huge surprise considering that Dean was not only beautiful but also kind and generous. Still, for Cas, who has spent his life being lonely, rejected, used and beaten this was new, it was something _big_ …and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Only when he sees the tears gathering in Dean’s eyes does he realize he’s tearing up too. Tucking his head under Dean’s chin he can feel a kiss being pressed to his hair. “I love you too, Cas. So much.” Cas smiles against his chest, making a little humming noise, he’s so happy right now he just wants to stay in this bed, cuddle and never let go. Only minutes later his breathing has evened out and he’s fast asleep with a smile on his lips. He doesn’t have to worry about nightmares anymore.


	2. Dean's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the same story as in the first chapter, just told from Dean's POV.

This is all Sam’s fault. His little bother’s nagging is the only reason he’s even standing here, in front of the local shelter. Truth be told the building doesn’t look as if anyone actually lived there, but then again Dean supposes most people would think it was adequate for slaves. Those are the people Dean hates the most. He has accepted slavery as a natural part of society even though it had never personally affected him all that much but that doesn’t mean he likes how slaves are treated.

His family has never owned slaves, only their friends Bobby and Ellen have some employed at the Roadhouse and Salvage Yard. Officially slaves aren’t allowed to work so all they do is clean the bar after hours or tidy up the garage. It’s good work and while they aren’t paid they are provided with food, a place to sleep and they are treated like normal people by other employees.

Dean knows most slaves aren’t that lucky. Abuse is the norm but it’s never criticized, slaves aren’t people after all so why care about that? Fuck, Dean hates this system and everyone who supports it, if you turn actual human beings into property at least treat them right.

When his brother suggested that he should get his own slave Dean balked at the idea, from an outside point of view it might be okay but actually owning a person? No thanks. But Sam insisted.

“You’re lonely Dean and you know it.”

“I know you’ve been feeling like shit ever since I went to college and this way there would be someone else for you to take care of.”

“I know you’d be good to him…or her. It would definitely be better than living in one of those shelters waiting for some abusive pervert to buy them.”

And that is one thing Dean doesn’t like to think about, he can get one of them out there and then leave in the knowledge that all the others would still…urgh. Anyway, it’s too late to turn back now, Sam eventually succeeded with his endless tirades and well thought-out arguments (yeah, that kid was definitely going to be a lawyer) and now Dean’s here, money in his pocket and about to take one of those poor sods home with him.

The guy who greets Dean inside is a creeper. His name is Alistair and Dean is once again reminded how grateful he should be that nothing had happened in his life for him to end up as a slave. Just the thought of being at this man’s mercy sends shivers through him.

They walk through a hallway, small cells on both sides and what Dean sees in there doesn’t make him feel any better. Boys and men, all crouched down, some staring blankly ahead, some openly crying, some shivering in their sleep. He answers most of Alistair’s questions with a nod or shake of his head, sometimes it’s the only way to make sure he doesn’t start screaming.

“So what are you looking for? Worker? Pet? Fuck toy? I’d have some recommendations.”

“I really just want to take a look, thanks.” He hopes it doesn’t come out as angry as he feels, he’d rather not know how Alistair would handle his disapproval. They reach the end of the corridor and Dean stops.

There, in the last cell, huddled in a corner is a boy. He doesn’t look up and all Dean can see is a mop of dark hair. The picture is not much different from what he’s seen in the other cells but somehow this one caught Dean’s eye.

“What can you tell me about him?” He doesn’t know why he’s whispering but follows Alistair into an adjoining room that looks like an abandoned bureau, desk and shelves covered in dust.

“His name is Castiel. Don’t know much, we don’t really keep an exact record of the history of our slaves here. Last owner got tired of him and brought him here, he has some scars but he’s still young and very obedient. Had quite a lot of masters who made sure of that. We rarely have to punish him but I can tell you that he responds very well to beatings, so if you have to put him in his place that’s the way to go. Also has a nice cock and ass, practically a living sex toy, I’m sure you’d have fun with him.”

Alistair’s leering grin and the way he talks about the boy outside as if he wasn’t even a person make Dean feel sick and he doesn’t listen to the rest of Alistair’s explanations about how to use and punish him best. At least he made a decision, Castiel is going home with him.

After Alistair takes Castiel out of his cell the three of them walk towards the examination rooms. Dean is still doing his best to tune out Alistair and his talk about the best use of whips, advantages of spider gags and the joys of seeing your slave cry.

He’s vaguely aware of Castiel being dragged along but he doesn’t dare look at him and let Alistair see the concern in his eyes. Once they’re inside the room and Castiel stands naked before them Dean really has to fight the urge to gag. There are huge scars all over the boy’s back and thighs and Dean feels sick thinking about how he got them. He silently vows that no one will ever hurt the boy again.

“I’ll take him, no further examination necessary. And leave the cage off.”

“Very well, if you’re sure about that.”  Alistair gives him a _look_ but puts the cock cage he still has in hand on the metal table. “Put your clothes on, slave.” A signed paper later and Dean is handed the leash with the words “Enjoy your new toy, Mr. Winchester.” He is quite proud of himself for the smile and the “Thank you” he manages to force out.

Outside he unclips the leash – Castiel is not an animal dammit – and opens the passenger side door of the Impala. Castiel only hesitates for a second before sitting down, and Dean really really wishes the boy would just look at him.

The silence in the car is a bit awkward and Dean spends most of the drive back shooting worried glances at his new passenger who is clearly fighting back tears. Does he even realize how much he’s shaking? Dean hopes they get back soon, Castiel looks like he’s going to have a panic attack and that would really not be a good way to start things off.

Once they’re back at the house Dean makes a dash to the kitchen. He doesn’t want to leave Castiel in the hallway but he needs a moment to think and, oh, maybe he should offer the guy a drink. Something hot would be good. Coffee probably wasn’t a good idea, no Sam means that he doesn’t have any tea and then there’s only one option left. Hot chocolate. Yeah, you just could never go wrong with that. When he comes back into the hallway Castiel is still standing there exactly like he left him. And he’s still staring at the floor. That won’t do.

Dean holds the steaming mug into his line of sight and then reaches out with two fingers to tip his chin up. “Please look at me.” Finally his eyes meet a pair of blue ones and wow, Castiel really is unreasonably attractive. But that isn’t important now.

“See? That wasn’t so difficult, was it?” Castiel shakes his head, making Dean smile. At least he’s kind of interacting with him.

“Ok, I made you some hot chocolate, I don’t even know if you like this stuff but I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t, so…here. But be careful, don’t burn your tongue or anything.” Castiel takes the mug but just stares at it with trepidation. It takes a moment until Dean realizes what’s wrong, shit, he’s stupid, of course Castiel has no reason to trust him.

“Don’t worry, it’s not drugged or anything, I just thought you needed something to warm you up. At least give it a try?” Dean knows he’s close to begging but he really needs Castiel to at least trust him on these small things, it’s the only way Dean can actually care for him.

Finally Castiel takes a sip and the delighted expression on his face tells Dean everything. “Well, seems like that was a success. Come on, follow me, I think the next thing you need is a bath. A real one.”

Shit. Why does he always talk first and then think? He’s just glad that he can hide his nervous expression from Castiel by busying himself with the water temperature in the bathtub. Sure, it’s clear that the boy needs a bath but how is he supposed to handle this? He really should have thought about this more. Too late. Time to improvise.

When he turns around Castiel is looking at him and Dean gently takes the mug from him, setting it aside. It gives him a few more seconds to think about what to say.

“Okay, so here’s the thing: I totally understand if you want your privacy and I can wait outside if you really want me to but to be honest I don’t feel comfortable leaving you all by yourself in here because you still seem a bit…unstable. Uhm, it’s your decision though so what’s it gonna be?”

Castiel just keeps staring with his too blue eyes and an unreadable expression on his face. Oh god, did he say something wrong? Yeah, Castiel should have the right to privacy but considering his behavior so far leaving him alone doesn’t seem like a good idea. Why is this so complicated?

“Come on Cas, talk to me. You want me to leave?”

Dean only has a short moment to freak out about the fact that he just called the other guy ‘Cas’ (followed by the decision that it sounds nice and he’ll use it unless there are complaints) before ‘Cas’ answers with a shake of his head. Good. Without further prompting Cas takes off his clothes, letting Dean unfasten the collar and climbs into the tub.

He relaxes and doesn’t even mind having his hair washed and Dean just feels relieved. Maybe it’s not much but it seems like progress. When Dean leaves the bathroom to fetch Cas some clothes he doesn’t even have to think long about what he should look for in the closet.

He randomly grabs some sweatpants but the big Led Zeppelin hoodie is a conscious decision, it’s his favorite and well-worn but he knows that there’s not a single better piece of clothing in the whole world. Last comes a pair of fuzzy orange socks, Sam bought them as a joke and he isn’t a huge fan of them but they are warm and comfortable, exactly what Cas needs right now. Going by the look the boy gives him when he puts the stuff on he seems to approve.

They’re already back downstairs when Dean gets an idea and tells Cas to wait in the living room for him. He’s looking for a blanket he can take downstairs with him, blankets always make people feel safe so he hopes it’ll work on Cas too. It also gives him a few minutes to think.

He needs to calm Cas down, he may have been relaxed in the bath but that might be over by now and, more importantly, he needs to talk to Cas. Make it clear that he means him no harm. Which, yeah, could be a problem because why should Cas believe that? But he needs to try.

Still feeling kinda unprepared he heads back downstairs and stops in the doorway to the living room, heaving a sigh. Cas is kneeling on the floor, eyes lowered and it really shouldn’t surprise Dean that the poor guy thinks he’s not allowed on the couch but it still hurts to see it.

Dean throws the blanket over the back of the couch and goes to gently pull Cas to his feet, keeps tugging until they both fall onto the couch, Cas in Dean’s lap. He has another short freak out because this position might scare Cas but he doesn’t look any more or less uncomfortable than before so Dean hopes he’s on safe ground.

“Let’s get some things straight, okay? I’m not gonna hurt you, not now, not ever. I know you’ve been through too much to just believe me when I say that but it’s the truth. And I get that this is difficult for you but please look at me when I talk to you okay? Also I understand if you don’t want to talk or are too scared and just need some time but there’s one thing you have to promise me: tell me immediately if you’re not okay. I won’t hurt you and you won’t have to do anything you don’t want to do but if you don’t feel good or if I do anything at all to make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable then _tell me._ Can you do that?”

Cas has tears in his eyes and Dean hopes that he didn’t say anything wrong but then Cas nods and Dean just can’t help but pull the boy into a hug. Cas goes willingly and Dean is grateful for that, that he can just hold him. Dean considers what to do next and what he comes up with could help him make Cas feel more at ease. Or it could make everything so much worse. But he has to try.

It’s a bold (and really dickish) move to just slip his hand under Cas hoodie without so much as a warning and Cas responds by immediately tensing under his fingers, breathing becoming more ragged. Dean is tempted to move his hand away, give him some space but he has to go through with this, and Cas still has the option of saying ‘no’.

After several long minutes Cas relaxes again and Dean takes that as his cue to continue. He starts tracing the scars on Cas back, running his fingers along the lightly raised flesh. How much it must’ve hurt when he got them, tossed away and left bleeding, probably no one there to help him. Dean wants to kill those bastards.

Cas is tightly holding onto him by now, trembling, and Dean can feel a wet patch on his shoulder.

“You okay?” He stopped the movement of his hands, prepared to pull away if it turned out to be too much for Cas, but the boy just nods and so Dean continues. It feels good, being allowed to touch Cas like that, intimate without being sexual and Dean really hopes this means he’s on the right track to earning Cas trust.

They have to part eventually and praying that he’s allowed to Dean grazes Cas cheek with his lips. It’s not a real kiss and Cas accepts it without protest. Dean goes into the kitchen and after a short look at the contents of his fridge decides to make a sandwich for Cas, the hot chocolate worked so hopefully the sandwich is also a good choice.

It may not be much considering Cas looks like he hasn’t eaten in weeks (which, knowing how other people and shelters treat slaves, might not be far from the truth) but he doesn’t want to leave Cas alone for too long. Tomorrow he’d make up for it with a good breakfast. If he’s lucky Cas will be more relaxed then.

He gets the idea to make popcorn on his way back to the living room and is back in the kitchen before he can see Cas reaction to the sandwich. When he comes back the plate is cleared and Cas smiles around his mouthful. The sandwiches were a great idea. Dean sits down next to Cas, shoulders brushing and wraps them both in the blanket he brought earlier, bucket of popcorn between them.

To watch cartoons is probably the best thing Dean could have done even though he doesn’t really pay any attention to them. His eyes are fixed on the boy next to him most of the time, Cas actually laughs a few times and his giggles are without a doubt one of the cutest things Dean has ever seen. Dean silently promises that he’ll make sure there would be much more of them in the future.

Cas falls asleep eventually and Dean watches the rest of the current episode of Spongebob before gently shaking him awake. “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty, it’s time for bed.” They go upstairs and it’s only when they stand in front of his bedroom that Dean sees the problem.

Where is Cas going to sleep? It would be nice if he stayed in Dean’s bed but maybe he doesn’t want that. Cas just keeps staring at him as he tries to come up with a question, an explanation, anything.

“Do you want to sleep with me? Uhm, I mean sleep in the same bed, not…y’know. Would you be okay with that?” 

Great job, Winchester, why can’t you get your stupid brain to work? Cas is probably totally freaked out now and…he nods. Huh, that’s unexpected. Dean isn’t complaining though and 10 minutes later he lies down on the bed, making sure to give Cas who’s already waiting there enough space. He tries for a reassuring smile and mutters “Good Night, Cas” before closing his eyes, hoping that Cas will be able to get some proper sleep tonight.

His wishes aren’t granted, whimpers and movements from the other side of the bed wake him up. It doesn’t take Dean long to realize that Cas is having a nightmare and apparently a really bad one at that. Dean tells himself not to panic and tries to wake Cas, just calling for him because he doesn’t want to risk making things worse by touching him. Cas doesn’t wake up though, just keeps squirming and whimpering and Dean is starting to freak out.

After what feels way too long Cas finally opens his eyes and when it seems like he realizes where he is Dean finally dares to put a hand on his shoulder, surprised when Cas doesn’t react at all. “Hey, it’s okay, it was just a dream. Jesus Christ, Cas, you scared the crap out of me. Do you wanna talk about it? How are you feeling? Think you can go back to sleep?” The tears alone make it clear that no, nothing is okay and there’s really just one thing left to do.

When they’re in the kitchen Dean hands Cas a glass of water and some crackers, things he always found helped him settle after a nightmare. Cas eats and drinks everything that’s offered but still looks kind of shocked and Dean has to fight the urge to ask him about his dream. Their nightly adventure lasts about half an hour and then they are back in bed, same positions as before.

Cas still looks scared and all Dean can do is lift his arm, shooting him a questioning look. To his surprise Cas immediately scoots over, burying his face in Dean’s chest, clinging to him. Dean puts his arm around the boy and presses a soft kiss to his forehead. “I’m here, nothing’s gonna happen to you.” He waits until Cas’ even breathing signals that he’s asleep and then follows him into unconsciousness.

Dean is the first to wake up and he’s greeted with the sight of Castiel softly snoring beside him. His hair is a mess and one half of his face is smashed against the pillow. The guy really doesn’t have any right to be so adorable and Dean just can’t resist reaching out to run his fingers through the mop of dark hair.

It takes a few minutes for Cas to stir and Dean leans in a little closer to whisper “Good Morning, Cas” into his ear. Apparently Cas is even less of a morning person than he is because all of Dean’s suggestions to get up and get breakfast fall on deaf ears. Eventually he just gets out of bed while Cas stares at him with sleepy eyes but when he walks towards the door he can hear the rustle of sheets behind him.

Dean thinks about the plans for the day while he makes breakfast. He doesn’t actually have a plan but now that he’s got some minutes to spare he might as well use them to think. What definitely needs to happen sooner rather than later is a shopping trip and the weather seems nice enough so that’s maybe a good start.

Cas needs some clothes and they could also pick up some other stuff….and since there are two mouths to feed now some groceries would be good too. Dean is still trying to come up with a way to talk to Cas about this when he puts the bacon and scrambled eggs on a plate and carries it over to the table.

He gives Cas who’s looking up at him a shy smile and he’s really glad that he has already put the plate down because he would have dropped it right then and there when Cas speaks. “T-thank you, M…” There’s something missing at the end but that doesn’t matter because Cas is _talking_ and Dean must look ridiculous with the big grin that’s on his face now but he doesn’t care.

“Hey, we’re making progress. I hope this wasn’t just a one-time thing, I really need you to tell me what you like to eat, you can’t live on hot chocolate, sandwiches and scrambled eggs forever.”

“I…I don’t really know. I haven’t exactly been given a lot of choice until now. Usually I just got the cold scraps from the day before, most of the time I didn’t even know what it was.”

And yeah, like so many other things Dean should have expected that but it still doesn’t stop the anger rising inside of him. How could anyone treat Cas like that? How could they treat another human being like that? Bunch of bastards, they should all just- “What do you want me to call you?” What? Does Cas expect that he wants to be addressed with ‘Sir’ or anything?

“You can just call me Dean of course…oh. Oh wait. _Shit_. I totally forgot to introduce myself yesterday didn’t I? FUCK! I’m an idiot!” Dean wants to punch something, preferably himself. How the fuck could he forget that? He wants Cas to trust him and feel safe and he hasn’t even told the poor guy his name. Well done, Winchester. The following silence is awkward and to Dean’s surprise Cas is the one to break it with a “Hello, Dean” and it’s really difficult to not reach over and kiss Cas right then and there.

They’re back on the couch because apparently that’s their spot for important talks now and Dean tries very hard to be serious but not overly authoritative. “So I know I said it already but I promise you’re safe here Cas. No one’s gonna hurt you and I just want you to be happy. Since were talking now you should ask me all the questions that you probably have.” “Why did you choose me?” Okay, another unexpected thing but not re-

“Are you going to fuck me?”

Shit. Dean wants to scream, to yell at everybody who ever hurt Cas or made him feel like being there for someone else’s pleasure was his only reason in life. It takes a lot of effort to keep his voice more or less calm for his answer.

“No Cas, I’m not….Jesus, you really think that’s the only reason you’re here right now, don’t you? I want to kill those people who did that to you Cas, you’re not just some worthless fuck toy that can be tossed away and I want you to see that. I’m not gonna lie to you, I’d like to have sex with you because wow, you’re incredibly attractive okay? But we won’t do that if you don’t want to and I’m not gonna pressure you into anything. And if you want to but still need time then I’ll wait, just don’t think you have to say yes to please me, do what feels right for you. Besides, even if something happens we’re not going to ‘fuck’, we’ll have sex or sleep together or – and I can’t believe I’m saying this – make love. It won’t be just fucking, not for me. And as to why I choose you let’s just say my mother instincts kicked in. That creep at the shelter told me your story, or at least what he knew from it, and what he said made me sick. I saw you in that cell and I just…I don’t know. Sam – that’s my little brother – always says that I’m a natural mother hen and want to take care of everybody so that’s what I’m doing. To be honest I’m kinda lonely sometimes, I don’t want a slave or a pet or anything, I want a friend, a partner, someone who is there for me, someone who lets me take care of them in return,someone I can laugh with and someone who can put up with me. I really like you Cas and I hope one day you can find it in yourself to trust me and like me back. And wow, I’m talking way too much aren’t I? I’ll shut up now and please say something ‘cause you look like you’re freaking out.”

He’s actually quite impressed with his improvised monologue but now Cas looks even more nervous than Dean feels and that’s saying something but he quickly dissolves Dean’s worries with a simple “I’d like that.”

Dean can’t help but smile at him.

“Ok that’s…that’s good. Uhm, listen, I obviously work during the week and I know it sucks that you’re not allowed to work or go to school or just go anywhere without me and I thought today we could go out and buy some stuff? You definitely need some clothes and I don’t want you to get bored when you’re alone at home so we can buy books or videogames or whatever you want. Sounds good?”

Cas is on board with the idea and on the way upstairs Dean is already thinking about the places he wants to take Cas.

After practically turning his whole closet upside down Dean found an acceptable outfit for Cas. Everything is a bit too big on him but that’s the main reason they are going on this trip after all…new clothes. Unfortunately going out also means something else: Cas has to wear a collar. Dean hates it, wants to spare Cas but there’s no way around it, if they got caught breaking the law Cas would be taken away and there’s no way Dean would risk that.

The only thing that makes him feel a bit better about this is that he bought one of the most expensive collars he could find, not only because it looked beautiful (if you ignored its purpose) but also because it seemed relatively comfortable. Cas doesn’t complain and after making sure that it really wasn’t too tight Dean finally grabs the keys to his car and leads the way outside.

The day has been great so far. Cas loved everything Dean ordered for him at the diner and it was a real challenge for Dean to not stare at him the entire time during lunch. They managed to get several bags of clothes for Cas, Dean couldn’t help but smile every time Cas stepped out of the changing room and looked at him as if to say “How do I look?”. It was just really fucking adorable.

When they were outside Cas would often stop walking to stand there and watch the people around him go about their business. It was something Dean hated and loved at the same time. The way Cas smiled and marveled at everything around him was nothing short of beautiful but when he thought about the reason behind it Dean’s stomach twisted in knots.

This was probably all new to Cas, as far as Dean could tell it was entirely possible that the boy had never been to a city before, seeing as he most likely had been locked up for the majority of his life. It wasn’t something Dean wanted to dwell on and he didn’t ask Cas about it.

The next stops on their trip are the bookstore and the gaming shop. The bookstore is nice enough and Cas finds a huge stack of books he wants to read but Dean is particularly happy about the new Playstation, for months now he’s been thinking about buying one and now with Cas living with him there’s finally a good reason for getting one. Cas just looks at him knowingly but doesn’t comment on Dean’s childish glee when they exit the gaming shop.

Once they are back at the car to drop off their bags the mood changes completely. Cas just keeps staring at all the things they dumped in the backseat with a sad look on his face, not reacting when Dean calls his name. Dean really hopes he didn’t do anything wrong today but the tears on Cas’ face tell a different story. Only when he puts a hand on his shoulder Cas looks at him, clearly having trouble getting the words out. “I’m not worth it. I can’t repay you. I-“

Without really thinking about it Dean pulls Cas against him, wrapping him up in a hug. “You don’t have to repay me Cas and you are not worthless, you hear me? Never think that about yourself. I don’t want you to buy anything for me, you being with me and more importantly being happy to be with me is all I need, okay? I just need you Cas.”

He lets Cas take a few deep breaths before pulling away, handing him a box of tissues from the glove compartment. “Let’s go to the park, it’s a nice day and it’ll get your mind off things.” Cas takes his outstretched hand, nodding with a small smile on his face and Dean leads him down the street towards the park.

Cas seems even more fascinated by everything in the park than he had earlier on the streets, not that Dean was complaining. Seeing Cas smile was quickly becoming one of his favorite things. They’ve been in the park for quite some time and Dean decides it’s time for a snack before they leave. He gets in line at the next hotdog cart they pass while Cas stays behind on the bridge to watch the fish in the water.

When Dean finally gets the hotdogs and turns around to go back to Cas he nearly drops them. There’s a guy pressing Cas against the railing, hand on his hip and Cas looks absolutely terrified. Two little kids who are in line behind Dean squeal in delight when Dean presses his two hotdogs into their hands with the words “You can have them”.  Then he promptly takes off towards the bridge.

Only a few seconds later he rips the other man away from Cas, punching him right in his ugly face so he stumbles backwards. But the guy doesn’t give up.

“Calm down dude, it’s just a slave and with that hot ass he’s practically begging for it. We could share, let’s just-“

Dean sees red. He doesn’t even think anymore, just throws another punch and then grabs the other man by his shirt, one hand closing dangerously around his throat.

“You shut up right now. I’m only gonna say this once so pay attention. When I let you go you run, run as fast as you can. And if I ever see you again a bloody nose is gonna be the least of your problems. Got it?” The man has enough common sense to really look scared now and nods. Good. Dean lets him go and he almost falls over his own two feet in the attempt to get away.

Dean watches until the man disappears around a corner and he can finally think clearly again, anger subsiding. Shit. Cas saw him. He saw Dean like this, overtaken by anger and he must be scared of him now. How big are the chances that this ruined everything Dean achieved until now? Worry replaces the anger inside of him but when he turns around Cas is just looking at him, maybe a bit nervous but not necessarily terrified.

Encouraged by that Dean reaches out to him and is incredibly relieved when Cas returns the hug, letting himself be held. “You okay?” Cas nods against his shoulder. “I am now.” Dean smiles, arms tightening around Cas for a second before letting go. Cas is smiling back at him and without another word they head towards the exit, hands clasped together.

After a stop at the grocery store they are finally back home and once inside Dean doesn’t waste any time taking the collar off Cas. It’s been bothering him the whole day and it feels good being able to take it off. And he isn’t even the one wearing it.

In the car Cas asked if he could cook dinner and he agreed since Cas seemed so eager to try it. Thinking about it it’s kind of sad, Cas had explained that he had learned to cook under one of his former masters but was never allowed to eat the stuff he made. Just another reason for Dean to hate all those sons of bitches.

In the kitchen Cas moves with incredible precision and Dean can’t help himself, he has to put his arms around Cas, nuzzle and kiss his neck, just be near to him. Cas allows it and doesn’t seem to mind, he smiles the whole time he prepares dinner while Dean is pretty sure there is an answering grin on his own face.

Later that evening they find themselves back on the couch watching Star Wars. Dean sees it as his duty to teach Cas about pop culture and this is a good first step. The first movie is his least favorite though and so he spends a lot of the time being distracted by Cas, kissing his forehead and nose, burying his face in the dark hair.

At one point during the second movie he can feel Cas tensing up where he is lying on Dean’s chest. It’s clear to him that Cas is thinking about something that has definitely nothing to do with the movie, maybe wants to say something but he doesn’t pressure him. He waits and just when he thinks Cas decided to keep quiet he hears a “Please don’t take me back there” whispered against his chest.

Fuck, that was not what he expected. And if this is really about what Dean thinks it is…something dark is settling in Dean’s chest, making it hard to breathe and he just wants to cry because Cas actually thinks he can just be tossed away like that. Shit, they have to talk about this. He pulls Cas onto his lap into their ‘talking positions’ and tries to keep the tremor out of his voice.

“What did you just say?” He needs to make sure that they’re on the same page and that Cas didn’t mean something completely different. Cas really starts crying then, next words coming out between sobs.

“Please don’t take me back there. Don’t give me away. I don’t wanna go to the shelter. Please.” Dean can practically feel his heart break and there are tears in his eyes too.

He brings his hands up to cup Cas face, getting the boy to open his eyes and look at him. “I’m not gonna do that Cas. Not ever. This is your home too; you’re not just a thing that can be tossed away, you’re family now and maybe you don’t know me very well yet but nothing is more important to me than family. Sorry, but you’re stuck with me.”

That brings a small smile to Cas face and Dean just has to hug him. They both need a few minutes to relax again and afterwards they continue watching the movie. Or at least they pretend to, Dean can’t concentrate and even though he can’t see Cas’ face he’s sure that Cas isn’t paying attention either. Still, they sit through the remaining hour of the movie before going to bed, this time cuddling with no space between them. Cas actually looks happy and content and that more than anything lets Dean fall asleep with his mind at ease.

* * *

**Three Months later**

Has it really been three months? Sometimes Dean isn’t sure. There are days when he feels like he’s known Cas all his life, they just fit together perfectly and he doesn’t know how he ever lived without him. Things are almost disgustingly domestic sometimes but he loves every moment of it. Except those times when Cas kicks his ass at Mario Kart but Dean doesn’t want to think about that. Even the whole meeting the family (and friends) thing has gone over pretty well and no one could resist Cas charm. Which wasn’t really surprising but still.

Their relationship has progressed too. Dean always lets Cas set the pace, lets him decide what he’s comfortable with and every time Cas took things one step further was a surprise for Dean but he was grateful for the small steps. He’d never forget the first time Cas lips touched his own or the first time Cas let his tongue sneak out, licking over Dean’s lips.

When they are in bed Cas turns into an octopus and is completely wrapped around Dean in the morning, making it impossible to get up without waking him. And yeah, they’ve talked about the morning wood issue and Cas didn’t have any problems with it (“It’s natural Dean, don’t worry.”) but sex was different. Cas never talked about it and Dean never brought it up because he was afraid he’d sound like he was impatient or something and make Cas feel guilty for not being ready.

Then one morning Cas suddenly reached down towards Dean’s crotch, nearly giving him a heart attack in the process. Just as quick as he had started Cas withdrew his hand, muttering “I’m sorry”, and tried to get up. Dean’s brain was still not working properly but he reached out for Cas’ wrist, stopping him.

“Don’t be, it’s okay.” Cas turned around, an unreadable expression on his face.

“I want to, Dean, believe me I do. I hate that I can’t just _be_ with you and I wish I wasn’t so messed up but it is like it is and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know what I’m scared of or what exactly is holding me back but I wish I could just make it go away and stop being afraid of _touching_ you. Or being touched by you for that matter.”

Well, that’s a start. Somewhere in the back of his head an idea was forming but it was actually kind of ridiculous and maybe Cas didn’t want to do it. But asking wouldn’t hurt, right? “I have an idea.” Shit, he just said that out loud, didn’t he?

Going by the look Cas was giving him the answer was yes. Might as well go through with it then. “I mean you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to but it might help? It’s some sort of touch therapy shit I heard about ages ago and I don’t know? We can give it a try if you really want.”

It was weird. Okay, it was also his idea but that didn’t change anything. Dean was on the bed, naked, looking at Cas who was sitting between his legs, still in his t-shirt and boxers. He really hoped that this thing would go over well, without Cas freaking out. But he trusted Cas, trusted that the boy knew his limits and that he’d stop if he felt like he was about to cross them. Dean just had to lie there and accept what he was ready to give.

After several moments of looking, Cas crawled up the bed, pressing his lips to Dean’s. That was the moment Dean realized there might be other problems because even though nothing was happening yet his dick apparently thought there were fun times coming up. It was stupid to be embarrassed about that in a moment like this and he tried to smile at Cas and stammered “I just….Sorry. Y’know, in case it…..uhm.”

Dean looked down at his crotch, hoping Cas got the message (shit, why was this so awkward) and Cas smiled back, reassuring. “It’s okay.”

Then he started touching him. Cas wasn’t even doing that much, just exploring his body with his hands and the occasional kiss, but Dean had already troubles keeping his moans in. Depending on how long Cas intended to do this it would be a very long morning for him. It became even worse when Cas’ hands found his hips and he could almost feel their warmth on his cock but he didn’t get any relief.

Once Cas reached his feet he stopped, staring at Dean for a few moments before leaning down again to start pressing kisses on his legs. This time Dean couldn’t hold back his whimpers and he had to close his eyes, watching Cas had quickly become too much for him.

Cas didn’t pay any attention to Dean’s dick this time either and Dean knew he was completely hard by now, aroused by Cas touches and kisses. Suddenly there were kisses being pressed to his nipples and Dean hissed, eyes flying open. He hadn’t expected Cas to do that, this was borderline sexual, but Cas didn’t let him think about it too much, leaning in again to kiss him properly.

When Cas sat back he looked down and Dean followed his gaze towards his own cock, hard and leaking precome against his belly. The last thing Dean expected Cas to do was reach out to touch it and he nearly choked when Cas let his fingertips rest against the shaft.

They looked up, probably both surprised by this turn of events and Dean had no idea what Cas saw on his face but Cas moved, this time really grabbing his cock and Dean was really close to hyperventilating now. He was still staring while Cas seemed to steel himself for something and then his hand started moving and Dean was gone.

Throwing his head back he didn’t even try to keep silent anymore, moans interrupted by Cas name on his lips. Orgasm crept up on him and he came with a surprised cry, only vaguely aware of Cas still touching him. Eventually he came down from his high and as good as it felt having Cas touch him he was just too sensitive and he whined a little.

Luckily Cas got the message and stopped, wiping his hand on the sheets and leaving Dean to stare at him, a little at a loss of what to do now. “Holy shit…did that just…did you…holy shit.”

Yeah, that was really all he could come up with at the moment and apparently that was enough because Cas just smiled warmly at him. Dean’s brain was still working enough to tell him that it would be a good idea to clean up and once he had done that he lay down again, finding Cas already curled up next to him.

They agreed that a nap would be a good idea but instead of closing his eyes Dean watched Cas who already seemed to be drifting off. He still had problems believing what just happened and he couldn’t resist running his fingers through Cas hair and whispering “You’re amazing” into his ear before also closing his eyes.

After that first time Cas had insisted that he was okay but Dean wouldn’t have any of it. Sure, it was nice that Cas seemed so confident and wasn’t freaking out but it just didn’t feel right to let Cas give him a handjob after dinner, it seemed like things were suddenly moving too fast.

Eventually Dean convinced Cas that they should keep up with their little touch exercises for a little longer, just to be sure. That worked for about a week, the same procedure over and over again and then, during one of their sessions Cas surprised him with a quick kiss to his cockhead. Dean nearly came right then and there. Handjobs might have been a part of their routine so far, but Cas mouth down there? That was a first.

Cas didn’t stop there though, he apparently wanted to torture Dean because he kept kissing and licking his cock for what felt like an eternity before he finally took it all in his mouth and sucked and then Dean was quickly losing his mind. He was moaning, whimpering, probably saying Cas name but he couldn’t be sure, too concentrated on the wet heat around his cock and then he was coming and oh god – Cas actually swallowed. If this was heaven Dean would be totally okay with dying.

He knew he looked like an idiot right then, but Cas didn’t seem any less surprised than him and before he could say anything Cas lips were on his, effectively shutting him up.

The blowjob incident as Dean would call it in his head was what made him agree that Cas was ready for more and he apologized for trying to tell Cas what his limits were before. After that it was easy, blowjobs and handjobs became ‘normal’ in the sense that they happened more than once a day.

Dean was more than a little surprised that Cas didn’t have any problems with being touched sexually, he had expected this to be more difficult than the part where Cas had to touch him, not the other way around. But Cas didn’t even flinch, instead sat back on the sofa opening his legs for Dean to sit between them.

It had been some time since Dean had last sucked someone off but seeing as Cas only lasted a few minutes and let out the most beautiful moans it was safe to say that he was still good at this. Any remaining worries about whether this might have been too much for Cas quickly disappeared when Dean saw the stupidly adorable smile on his face, his body a puddle of post orgasmic bliss on the sofa. Yep, the whole getting each other off thing was really awesome and Dean didn’t need anything more than that. But apparently Cas had other ideas.

Dean’s starting to worry. Cas never spends a lot of time in the bathroom and now he’s been in there for nearly 20 minutes. Just as Dean is about to get up and check on him the door opens and Cas comes out, looking really fucking nervous. “You okay, Cas?”

“I’m ready.”

Ready? What for? They haven’t talked about anything that would require Cas ‘being ready’ and after the last weeks Dean really didn’t think that Cas still had things to be nervous about. So he really can’t come up with a good explanation for this…Unless. But that can’t be. Is Cas really talking about actual sex? Dean had not been sure if Cas would ever be okay with that and had accepted that they’d stay in their well-known blow- and handjob territory but if Cas wants this? Yeah, he can totally work with that though there’s still the worry that it might be too much for Cas.  

“You really sure about that?” Cas nods and comes to sit next to him. “I am. But I’m not going to pretend that I’m not nervous. The only memories I have of this kind of thing are laced with pain and fear. I trust you Dean, more than I have ever trusted anyone in my life and I know you won’t hurt me. I know you can make it good for me. I want to be with you, I want to do this with you. Please.” Wow. It’s a lot of responsibility but he’s confident he can do it. He will make this good for Cas. Dean presses a soft kiss to his lips and whispers ‘okay’, earning him a small smile.

Slowly, still worried he might spook him, Dean starts taking off Cas’ clothes and Cas follows, doing the same for him. Once they are both naked Cas smiles at him again and turns around to lie on his stomach, stretching out almost as if he was offering himself and it makes Dean’s heart hurt. Cas is probably used to being taken like that, pressed into the mattress without anyone caring about him. That’s going to change now. Blue eyes meet his when Cas looks over his shoulder and he seems almost shocked by whatever he sees in Dean’s face.

“Turn around. If we’re going to do this it’s gonna be face-to-face.” This time Cas looks more surprised than shocked but quickly moves to comply, settling on his back with his legs parted. Dean has to stare for a few moments, trying to process that this is a thing about to happen, that Cas trusts him with this, before he presses a kiss to his thigh. “Let’s do this then.”

Foreplay is important and although he really wants to be inside Cas now Dean takes his time to make Cas feel good, to show him that this can be pleasurable. He strokes his hands along Cas’ arms and down his chest, pressing kisses to his collarbone before letting his lips wander a bit lower. Dean starts sucking on one nipple and while he knows that not all guys get off on having them played with Cas seems really into it if the noises he makes are anything to go by.

Encouraged, Dean continues sucking, occasionally flattening his tongue to lick the skin or nibbling at it with his teeth, the sounds Cas makes above him like music in his ears. Eventually Dean sits back to look at his work, Cas nipples are a nice shade of red and completely hard, his face is flushed, half lidded eyes cast downward, not even noticing that Dean is looking. Without wasting another second he leans down again to press a line of kisses from Cas’ chest to the base of his cock.

He nudges it once with his nose and then closes his lips around the head, sucking lightly, his tongue lapping precome from the slit. Instead of taking the whole thing in his mouth like he usually would he lets it go, just giving the shaft a few kisses and tiny licks. Dean never really teases Cas, not like this, but Cas isn’t complaining. He has to stop eventually though because there’s something really important to do and Cas actually whines when Dean gets up from the bed. Grabbing lube and condoms from the nightstand he gets back on the bed, just admiring the view.

Cas is spread out before him, eyes closed and mouth open, breathing heavily. There’s a nice flush on his face and upper body, a bit further down his cock is still hard, resting against his belly. With some difficulty he tears his gaze away from it and opens the lube, rubbing the liquid between his fingers to warm it up a bit. The next part will be difficult and Dean starts stroking Cas thigh with one hand in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture.

As expected Cas freezes when Dean lightly presses a finger against his hole but he doesn’t tell him to stop so Dean keeps stroking his thigh, trying to help him relax. “Shhhh, Cas, it’s okay. Please look at me.”

It takes a few moments but Cas finally opens his eyes to glance down at him.

“I can’t promise that this won’t hurt but I’ll go slow. If you want me to stop you need to tell me, okay?”

Dean hopes he made it clear how important this is, if they are going to do this Cas needs to be 100% on board with it because otherwise Dean would never forgive himself for doing this to him. Cas manages a surprisingly steady ‘yes’ and that’s all Dean needs. “Good. Now try to relax for me.”

When Cas finally loosens up a bit Dean pushes his first finger in. After the initial shock Cas relaxes a lot faster than before and surprises Dean when he says “Move, Dean.” He wiggles his finger a bit until it’s fully inside Cas and then starts moving, pulling it out to thrust back in, then runs his finger along the inner walls to find that one spot that would hopefully distract Cas from the pain of being stretched.

Suddenly Cas screams, probably loud enough for the entire town to hear. Bingo.

Dean grins and keeps brushing the same spot with his finger, then leans down to actually deep throat Cas, reducing the poor boy to a whimpering mess beneath him. Cas is really vocal in bed, unlike Dean he doesn’t actually _talk_ but the noises he makes are more than enough to drive Dean crazy. He doesn’t let himself go though, tonight’s about Cas and his own needs will just have to wait.

With Cas still moaning above him he works a second finger in, scissoring them and this time Cas doesn’t even seem to notice. Eventually a third one joins and when he finally deems Cas prepared enough he gives his cock one last lick before letting go and then pulls his fingers out, making Cas squeak. Knowing Cas’ eyes are on him Dean quickly opens a condom and puts it on, covering it with the lube that’s still on his fingers. When he looks up Cas is still staring.

“Ready?”

Cas nods and Dean pushes in, at Cas’ insistence not stopping until he’s fully inside. It feels amazing. Cas is tight around him, hot and wet and Dean’s pretty sure this will be over embarrassingly soon. “Shit. Fair warning, Cas, I’m not gonna last very long.”

“Okay, wait, just…just give me a minute.”

It takes some serious effort to not just start thrusting, especially when Cas wraps his legs around Dean’s waist. Cas is also still holding onto the sheets as if his life depends on it and that just won’t do so Dean loosens that grip with his own hands, intertwining his fingers with Cas’. He would usually never hold hands during sex but this is _Cas_ and that makes all the difference.

They stare at each other and start moving at the same time, Dean pulls out to slowly thrust back in, Cas rocks his hips, following the rhythm Dean is setting. Dean isn’t sure who initiates the kiss but all that counts right now are Cas lips on his, the noises he’s making muffled by Dean’s mouth. Dean can feel Cas hard cock against his stomach and he really wants to help him out there but Cas has other ideas, tightening his grip on Dean’s hands and keeping him occupied with kisses.

All hope of dragging this out for a bit longer is lost as Dean’s thrusts become more uncontrolled and then Cas practically rips his mouth away from Dean with a shout and Dean doesn’t even have the time to be surprised because Cas is clenching around him and that sends him over the edge too. When the last wave of his orgasm slowly ebbs away Dean simply doesn’t have the energy anymore to hold himself up and flaps down on top of a very fucked out looking Cas, breathing heavily against his neck.

As nice as it would be to just lie there and fall asleep Dean has to pull out of Cas and throw the condom away. When he turns back to Cas he’s greeted with an adorable smile. “I…I didn’t know it could feel like this. I mean I knew it would feel good but this…I just…thank you, Dean.”

He won’t start crying after sex, Dean is not that kind of guy but he can admit that no one can tug at his heartstrings the way Cas does.

“No Cas. Thank _you_ , for trusting me. You have no idea how much that means to me.” And really, there aren’t any words to describe how grateful he is that Cas allowed him to do this, that he trusted him with this.

Dean kisses Cas’ nose before he has to get up, no matter how awesome the sex was, drying come on your body is never a pleasant experience. “I’ll clean up, just wait here.” He fetches a damp towel from the bathroom and except for a bit of squirming when Dean washes away the lube from his hole Cas doesn’t react much.

Dean can’t resist pressing a kiss to Cas soft cock before going to lie down next to him, pulling the blanket up to their shoulders. He can’t remember the last time he’s been this happy and now all he wants to do is fall asleep with Cas safely cradled in his arms.

Cas moves to cuddle up to him but stops mid movement, staring at Dean with an unreadable expression. “I love you.”

Scratch the whole ‘not crying after sex’ thing, as soon as the words have sunk in Dean can feel tears welling up in his eyes. He’s been in love with Cas for some time now but has (as always) waited for Cas to make the next step in their relationship. Dean is lucky he has Cas to hold onto because he’s sure otherwise he would float away, he’s just too happy.

Cas wraps himself around Dean, tucking his head under his chin and Dean presses a kiss to the dark hair, holding Cas in his arms. “I love you too, Cas. So much.” He can feel Cas smile against his chest and pulls him even closer, bodies touching from head to toe as Cas’ even breathing lulls him to sleep.


End file.
